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The Mistful Mind

Myriad of thoughts & feelings, unheard..unspoken words poured out..

I Knew it…

“I knew that you will and you must go away ..someday..I knew things will not remain as it used to be..you said it once…I Knew it was just few good moments…I knew it would last for few days or months at the most..I knew I would not get to see you too often..I knew you would someday or the other get extremely busy arranging your own life and the life of others who surround you..I knew life would be incomplete without you..I knew love will be imperfect without you by my side…I knew I will not expect anything from you. it was a promise to be kept …Still I was there with all my heart no matter how short the time was..I am not shy to say yes it was a good time with you around… I could pour my heart out..spill my love over…laugh freely…smile happily…not hesitant to show you the way I feel…it became stronger..But that was not the deal..the deal was to take life easy and flow free…It now doesn’t seem to be so..without you it was impossible for me to know what the love means..how it makes someone suffer so terribly, how it stings you each day…every day….Still…Never Loved you halfheartedly. I wont say it doesn’t matter whether you are near or not..because it truly matters..I wanted to find solace..but could not became an escapist..I wanted to forget…but could not became negligent…I wanted to reduce the pain…but could not find a painkiller for that…I want you to be happy …but could not be the reason for your smile…

You say you adored me…that was the first lie you told me which i came to know..but there were several things which I could not know…was it wrong? May be not..whom to blame? Myself? You? or the Time? Let it be the Time only as I cant take the pain of blaming you neither can bear the burden myself alone..”

Said Stella to Allan…after he has gone for years now…hands

 

My Pencil Sketch….

Mysektch

Adrift

Eternally Temporary…

Allan said to Stella…..” please forget me. Think that everything was just a temporary phase. It shall pass. Move on…

“Not it cannot be temporary…screamed Stella….

That flash of memory cannot be momentary

Everyone here comes with their baggage…It’s you who loved me enough to unpack …

Every time I leave you…I leave numerous questions behind…

You ask me several times “is there anything I wanted to speak?”

I smiled and nodded every time as if I have emptied and poured all my heart…but that was not the fact…

You cannot imagine how much it get re-filled with emotions afterwards..

After leaving you…I still feel that you are with me…I want to share but find no words to say

All your words & action plays and re-plays in my mind…I sometime smile on my own thinking of a silly sentence said by you and the very next moment, I get conscious lest anyone should see me

It never happens with me what happens when you are there sitting opposite to me

It chokes my heart…I am chock-full till my throat but words never come out …and you are saying everything was just a temporary phase? Stella’s voice turns harsh and tears rolls down her fair cheeks…

Temporary

Bitter or Better?

Experience.jpg

In response to Bitter

Knackered

Sad

She want peace in her life but there is some or the other noise hovering over… How easy it is to say do not compare your life to others…but is it really that easy? Ask your mind…ask your heart and the inner conscience. Don’t we ever feel low when we see others happy and there is nothing in our life which is going the way we want it to be? When we see others enjoying their life and we struggling each day…every day….to get those things which make us happy…really Happy…How many of us can be calm and patient? How many of us not feel bad and let down.

 

How many of us stay composed even after knowing this well that we deserve much much more than what we have now? Tell me honestly. I am being honest here, which may sound negative or discourteous but yes this is the fact. We just have one life and we need to make maximum out of it. She does not know what happiness is? But when she buy something for herself, it pleases her. she does not know what bliss is? But when she goes to a serene place where nature is at its best, she feels blissful. she does not know what being cared and respected is? But when she see others who are being cared and respected a lot even after doing all wrong things, she feels dejected and this puts a question mark in her mind about being honest, good, caring and the way people of your surroundings want her to be. Is being good really good? Or one should just think of own self and do what it wants? she might look calm but it’s just a disguise. she really needs a big break before she has to get back to daily rat race business. But there is no escape from this feeling. even if she does not want to feel it, it will still be there.

Knackered

None – or One…

krishna

There is no one at the other side…but I’m still seeing you…

Are you my reflection…or its just I am feeling blue (श्याम वर्ण)…

None

Drenched in memories…

pupu swimming.jpg

Life is all about a balancing act…There are many First’s’ in our lives. This is one of them. Today she went to her first swimming class. She is ever fascinated with water…I was constantly watching her moves with a mixed feeling of anxiety and inherent tension, happiness, excitement and the joy of seeing her extremely happy.. I stood still on the bank while she was floating with her tube as if she knows everything…Certainly it was her first time in so much of water but it did not seem so…I was amazed to see her confidence and self-reliance. When asked to come back, she chuckled and went on enjoying her freedom – dancing, playing and rippling in the pool.

She will play, she will learn, win, lose, make mistakes, fail, learn from her mistakes and again will try…everything will become a part and weave a story and then yes! WE are always there at the bank to set things right when in need!!

Chuckle

Healing Soul

Waiting

You are a quick fix to my broken soul

A cool breeze for heart to console

Not together still not apart

A string between heart to heart

Eyes that meet and drift away

With an eternal wait and slowly slay

No promise to see each other again

No bidding adieu, no good bye pain

Just a ray of hope to sometimes meet somewhere

Tell me…Would you then still care?

Heal

An unseen Me….

me2

All I want is Me….

A happy Me…A Careful Me…..

A careless Me….A dareful Me

A Me that can tread the unknown…

With shadow of an unprejudiced zone…

A silent Me…sitting by the river side…

A free soul that none could ever bide

A hustled Me…not trying to fix lock, stock and barrel

With a lose fit…messy hair…muddled apparel

An Eccentric Me in tranquil state of mind

A me ‘en masse’ lost in Me.…untying to find

Unseen

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