Allan said to Stella…..” please forget me. Think that everything was just a temporary phase. It shall pass. Move on…
“Not it cannot be temporary…screamed Stella….
That flash of memory cannot be momentary
Everyone here comes with their baggage…It’s you who loved me enough to unpack …
Every time I leave you…I leave numerous questions behind…
You ask me several times “is there anything I wanted to speak?”
I smiled and nodded every time as if I have emptied and poured all my heart…but that was not the fact…
You cannot imagine how much it get re-filled with emotions afterwards..
After leaving you…I still feel that you are with me…I want to share but find no words to say
All your words & action plays and re-plays in my mind…I sometime smile on my own thinking of a silly sentence said by you and the very next moment, I get conscious lest anyone should see me
It never happens with me what happens when you are there sitting opposite to me
It chokes my heart…I am chock-full till my throat but words never come out …and you are saying everything was just a temporary phase? Stella’s voice turns harsh and tears rolls down her fair cheeks…
She want peace in her life but there is some or the other noise hovering over… How easy it is to say do not compare your life to others…but is it really that easy? Ask your mind…ask your heart and the inner conscience. Don’t we ever feel low when we see others happy and there is nothing in our life which is going the way we want it to be? When we see others enjoying their life and we struggling each day…every day….to get those things which make us happy…really Happy…How many of us can be calm and patient? How many of us not feel bad and let down.
How many of us stay composed even after knowing this well that we deserve much much more than what we have now? Tell me honestly. I am being honest here, which may sound negative or discourteous but yes this is the fact. We just have one life and we need to make maximum out of it. She does not know what happiness is? But when she buy something for herself, it pleases her. she does not know what bliss is? But when she goes to a serene place where nature is at its best, she feels blissful. she does not know what being cared and respected is? But when she see others who are being cared and respected a lot even after doing all wrong things, she feels dejected and this puts a question mark in her mind about being honest, good, caring and the way people of your surroundings want her to be. Is being good really good? Or one should just think of own self and do what it wants? she might look calm but it’s just a disguise. she really needs a big break before she has to get back to daily rat race business. But there is no escape from this feeling. even if she does not want to feel it, it will still be there.
Life is all about a balancing act…There are many First’s’ in our lives. This is one of them. Today she went to her first swimming class. She is ever fascinated with water…I was constantly watching her moves with a mixed feeling of anxiety and inherent tension, happiness, excitement and the joy of seeing her extremely happy.. I stood still on the bank while she was floating with her tube as if she knows everything…Certainly it was her first time in so much of water but it did not seem so…I was amazed to see her confidence and self-reliance. When asked to come back, she chuckled and went on enjoying her freedom – dancing, playing and rippling in the pool.
She will play, she will learn, win, lose, make mistakes, fail, learn from her mistakes and again will try…everything will become a part and weave a story and then yes! WE are always there at the bank to set things right when in need!!
You are a quick fix to my broken soul
A cool breeze for heart to console
Not together still not apart
A string between heart to heart
Eyes that meet and drift away
With an eternal wait and slowly slay
No promise to see each other again
No bidding adieu, no good bye pain
Just a ray of hope to sometimes meet somewhere
Tell me…Would you then still care?
All I want is Me….
A happy Me…A Careful Me…..
A careless Me….A dareful Me…
A Me that can tread the unknown…
With shadow of an unprejudiced zone…
A silent Me…sitting by the river side…
A free soul that none could ever bide
A hustled Me…not trying to fix lock, stock and barrel
With a lose fit…messy hair…muddled apparel
An Eccentric Me in tranquil state of mind
A me ‘en masse’ lost in Me.…untying to find